Overindulging in Halloweencandy is bound to make anyone nauseous. Why not skip the teeth-rottingmiddleman and turn your stomach before you eat a thing? These ten repugnantcandies should do the trick-or-treat.
- Dracula Drool: Thisvile vial gets bonus gross-out points for its graphic name. It's not justblood, it's hemoglobin-stained saliva that dripped off the Count's slobberingfangs.
2. Vampire Hair: Candyhair would have made this list on its own; so would candy vampires. Thecombination in a flossy candy that explodes on your tongue puts it at No. 2.Also noteworthy is the revelation that Marge Simpson is indeed a vampire.
- Forkz Candy Eyeballs: Who needs candycorn when you can get candy corneas? As if they're hors d'oeuvres at a monstermash party, these eyeballs have forks sticking out to really make them pop.
- Pick 'n Lick: A giantsugar cotton swab gathers up globs of ear wax-colored powder. This is theeeriest candy here.
- Toxic Waste: There's aclassic trope of hazardous waste turning people into heinous mutants. Thisversion turns kids into people who enjoy sucking on unpleasant, intensely sourcandy. According to the barrel's chart, keeping one of these in your mouth fora minute makes you a full toxie head. If you last only 45 seconds you're just atoxie wannabe.
- Slithering Snake Suckers: The disturbing part of this candy is not that its similarity in size,shape, and color to a real snake would elicit a double take from anyunsuspecting passerby, but the fact that it "lasts all day."According to the box's printed gauge, if you start sucking at dawn, you'll onlybe halfway finished by noon. Sounds noxious.
- French-Fried Gummy Candy Fingers with Liquid Candy Blood: Chicken fingers and french fries are kid-menustaples. This candy capitalizes on what children already desire, but with arevolting twist: They're human-shaped fingers stuffed in a french-fry box witha packet of blood as a condiment. That points it in the top-10 digits.
- Blood Energy Potion:This sugary maroon liquid claims to have "similar nutritional content tonatural blood." A serving does provide 55% of recommended daily iron valueand 880mg of amino acids. It even tastes like blood, but only Franken Berry's blood. An impressive Web tie-inposes it as a synthetic blood substitute for vampires, an alternative tofeasting on humans. With its microwave instructions to heat to 98.6°F andtransfusion bag packaging, we give this an A(Rh)+ for commitment.
- Body Parts Sushi: There's something about eyeballs, fingers, and ears topping seaweed-wrappedrice that gives us an extra kick of queasiness. Associating hacked body partswith customary fare legitimizes cannibalism in a way that puts us ill at ease.Also, the list of ingredients includes the word "pork." Wretch. Comeswith chopsticks.
- Harry Potter BertieBott's Beans: The Harry Potter series has ended, and so must this list.(Un)fortunately, the franchise leaves us with the grossest candy ever marketed:jelly beans made to taste like "dirt," "rotten eggs," and"vomit." You don't need to have consumed an earthworm to know thatthe Jelly Belly chefs nailed the flavor. It's obvious in its repulsiveness.
--Michael Singer
Photos by Peggy Gertner