Last October I named the Top 10 Grossest Halloween Candies, an assortment of the creepiest-looking trick-or-treat offerings I could find. But as with Apple gadgets and conical pizza, progress is inevitable; today there's a new generation of Gross. I filled my online shopping carts at Candywarhouse.com and other stores. Then I asked seven-year-old twins Ella and Liam Wilson of Brooklyn (sweets aficionados and neighbors of The Foodist's Andrew Knowlton) to rank and evaluate the grossness of each.
Liam: "They look sort of like boogers, but they feel like gummy worms. Actually, they don't look gross--they look kind of good."
Ella: "You could trick a young kid with these."
Ella: "This looks like plastic, but the details are kind of cool."
Liam: "The ghoul hand looks more realistic than the skeleton hand."
Liam: "The finger ones look kind of real."
Ella: "What are these floating in? The finger is creepy."
Rat. That the consumption of an actual rat during Survivor'sinaugural season 10 years ago is STILL one of TV's most memorable moments is a testimonialto the rodent's foulness. And though the red gummy version may not foolanyone, the life-sized black rats could elicit a scream ifcarefully positioned--say, for instance, filling a bath tub. $28.35 for24; Gummi Pet Rats/Gummi Pet Tarantulas; jellybelly.com
Liam: "It looks realistic, but it would be more realistic if it had red eyes."
Ella: "You could trick someone into thinking you were biting thehead off of a real rat--but if it were a real rat, I wouldn't want toeat it."
Worms. Slimy,slithery, and brown, these realistic representations put regular gummy worms toshame. $5 for 31 worms; Realistic Gummy Earthworms; orientaltrading.com
Ella: "Ewwww."
Liam:"This looks more realistic than regular gummy worms. When you stretchit out and then let it go, it moves like a real earthworm. This couldfool a fish. If you put it in the dirt and pull it out, someone mightthink it's real."
Ella: "And then I would wash it off and eat it."
Blood Bag. This seriously creepy treat would be perfect for any True Blood-themed Halloween party. $29.70 for 9; Cherry Liquid Candy Blood Bags; candywarehouse.com
Ella: "Ugh, gross! It looks like real blood--it's red. How do you drink it?"
Liam: "This would gross my friends out."
Ella: "This would be perfect if I were a vampire for Halloween. Butthe bag says 'Candy Blood.' It would be better if it just said 'Blood.'"
Liam: "What is this, barf?"
Ella: "It has little, tiny pieces of food. It's sticky."
Liam: "The barf would be pretty realistic if it were just in yourhand and not in the bag--or if it were on the floor, it could fool alot of people. It looks cool when you squeeze it."
Toilet. A welcome departure from gummy-based candies, thesemini toys pair twin suckers (plungers) with flavored powder (bowlwater) for a Fun-Dip-esque experience. $19.80 for12; Sour Flush Candy Toilets; candywarehouse.com
Ella: "Cool! Oh, cool, there's powder in the bowl. And this [lollipop] is the plunger."
Liam: "Awesome. Open the toilet, close the toilet."
Ella: "[Swirling sucker in bowl*] 'Plunge.' This is pretty messy, but... yum."*
Urine Sample. A visual joke lost on children, perhaps, but these cups aredisturbingly close to the real thing. Seeing anyone gulp yellow liquid(supposedly lemonade-flavored) from one of these will result in adouble- or spit-take. $10 for 5; Tower of Sour Liquid Candy UrineSamples; candywarehouse.com
Liam: "It's urine. I want to smell it. It smells pretty good."
Ella: "Ew, gross. [Reading*] 'Formula Pee.' It looks like syrup--this isn't real pee."*
Ella: "Poo! I would want to try the candy corn one.
Liam: "This one's like, 'I had too many nuts today.' It feels a little bit real, but it's not that squishy. [Eating a piece.] I never thought I'd try tasting stool. Yum."
Ella: [Sticks tongue out.]
All photos by Joanna Sciarrino
--Matt Schneiderman