We Taste-Test Horse Cookies—on Humans
Whether or not he achieves the Triple Crown at Belmont Park on Saturday, California Chrome has already made his mark on the industry—not least by bringing his beloved Mrs. Pastures Cookies for Horses to a more mainstream, and more human, audience than they're used to.
The California-made treats, which have been providing finicky equines an alternative to carrots since 1990, are all-natural, preservative-free, and boast an ingredient list of nothing more than oats, wheat bran, cane molasses, rolled barley, fresh apples, and water.
They also come with a caveat on the bag: "For horse consumption only."
Naturally, the staff of BA decided to ignore that last part, and decided it was time for Mrs. Pastures to get its official human taste-test. Here are our reactions.
Alex Lau1/8Hardest Cookie Ever
Assistant editor Joanna Sciarrino prefers not to have her reaction shot taken, but finds the horse cookies surprisingly tasty. "I gravitate towards darker, grainier foods, so these 'treats' really appealed to me," she says. "Yes, they’re harder than the oldest, stalest cookie I've ever had, but I didn't hate them. The only thing that reminded me that they’re really for horses were the oat hulls, which I’m pretty sure are only fed to animals."
Alex Lau2/8Not for Quiet Eaters
From the start, photo assistant Elizabeth Jaime has trouble even biting into her cookie. After some coaching on using her molars, not incisors, to gnaw off a chunk, she compares it to a noisy but healthy breakfast. "It tastes like Raisin Bran," she says. "But I feel like I'm a horse—they eat so loudly. If I were a horse, though, I'd feel like they should be sweeter."
Alex Lau3/8So ... Hard ...
Even deputy art director Mike Ley's manly chompers find the dense cookies tough going at first. "It tastes like a cracker, but infinitely drier," he says. "It's so dry. If it weren't so hard, I might eat it." Nevertheless, he finishes the whole thing.
Alex Lau4/8"Prune-y"
After some initial confusion over whether "horse cookies" means the treats were made for horses or made of horses, art director Kristin Eddington judges that, yes, these are definitely snacks for horses. "It kind of tastes like what I'd expect horses to eat," says. "A little prune-y?"
Alex Lau5/8"Wow"
Dry, dry, dry, is managing editor Greg Ferro's first and primary observation. "It literally sucks all the fluids out of you," he says.
Alex Lau6/8"I'm Kinda into It"
After an initial reaction of ... well, you see what the initial reaction is, assistant to the editor-in-chief Amiel Stanek finds his horse-cookie groove. "It tastes just like the ingredient list says," he says. "I'm kinda into it." A minute or two later, though, he's says he won't be downing them like Scooby snacks or anything.
Alex Lau7/8Better With Whiskey
Not surprisingly somehow, restaurant and drinks editor Andrew Knowlton's experience with equine treats mentally transports him to a picturesque region of central Europe. "Nice molasses flavor, not too sweet," he says. "A lot better than most dog biscuits I've had. (C'mon we've all done it.) If you told me there was a small village in Black Forest of Germany that considers them a rustic necessity to carry them over the winter, I would believe you. And for what it's worth, they taste much better chased with a little rye whiskey."
Alex Lau8/8"Good for Your Colon"
Our final tester, who prefers to remain unnamed, sees potential health benefits despite not being able to finish a single one. "They look like a cross between ginger snaps and raccoon scat, and they bite like a brick," he says. "But they taste better than most breakfast bars I've had. And they're probably really good for your colon. Clean you right out."
