What Not to Eat with Sriracha
We love Amiel Stanek, the assistant to our editor in chief, Adam Rapoport. That's why we make him eat and drink things the rest of us wouldn't dare. He is The Guinea Pig.
**I can't say that I was elated when I was told that, in honor of Sriracha Week, I would be eating a dubious assortment of foods doused in everyone's favorite hot sauce. (Notice that I said "told" and not "asked.") But such is the life of the Guinea Pig.
Don't get me wrong, I love Sriracha. I reach for the Rooster sauce whenever I want to punch up some eggs, dress up a little mayo for a fish sandwich, or even to round out a vinaigrette that needs a bit of an acid-garlic-heat boost. But my zeal has its limits. Meaning I don't put Sriracha in my coffee, my breakfast cereal, or my shampoo, thanks.
There are effectively two categories of foods: those that benefit from Sriracha's well-rounded spice, and those that just don't. Some cock-sauce fanatics would argue that there's nothing they wouldn't put the spicy sauce on; if you are in that camp, then this one's for you, my friend. I beg you to read this, my cautionary tale, and reconsider your position. We asked our food editors which foods they would never use Sriracha on, and for the most part, they were right.
No one else needs to taste the things that I have tasted.
1/7Coffee
At first, I found this inoffensive. The chile heat of the Sriracha created an (almost) appealing mouth-tingling sensation, particularly in the back of my throat, which (almost) enhanced the coffee’s inherent bitter, savory flavors. After this report, my handlers concluded that they hadn’t added enough sauce to my cup o’ joe, and proceeded to stir in another healthy spoonful. The garlic really shined through after that, which, in case anyone is wondering, was not an improvement. This is a shame, mostly because the idea of dropping a shot of Sriracha into a cup of coffee and calling it a Red Eye is funny to me.
2/7Yogurt and Fresh Berries
This tasted like someone poured a can of V8 over my breakfast, and was disgusting. The vegetal funk of the Sriracha did not play well at all with the tang of the yogurt, and the vinegar made the tasty blueberries and raspberries taste downright rotten. Truly disgusting
3/7Really. The yogurt was bad.
4/7Oysters
Finally, a winner! Before this trial, I considered how much I love an oyster with a few drops of Tabasco on top, and reasoned that Sriracha would likewise offer an appealing vinegary heat to back up the bivalve’s briny flavor. The sauce’s slightly sweeter profile proved a bonus, balancing the oyster’s salty character, and reminded me a bit of cocktail sauce–a guilty pleasure of mine. My only complaint? Sriracha’s strong garlic flavor threatened to overwhelm the morsel’s more delicate aspects.
5/7A Really Nice Porterhouse Steak
Slam dunk. Not actually sure why this was on the list, but I’m glad it was. Sure, I’m not going to be the rube banging his silverware on the table at Peter Luger’s demanding Sriracha for his $120 steak, but it would take a lot more than some hot sauce to make a hunk of meat like this taste bad. Plus, the primary flavors of the sauce–garlic, vinegar, chile–really shine against the steak’s fatty, unctuous, beefy backdrop. Awesome.
6/7Cake
Awful. Weirdly awful. Some kind of weird metallic flavor. Words fail. Don’t. Just don’t.
7/7Vanilla Ice Cream
Not bad, actually. Weirdly comforting. I used to make ice cream at Little Baby’s Ice Cream in Philadelphia, and the Earl Gray-Sriracha flavor was always an unexpected crowd-pleaser. The only explanation I can give is that, much as with the steak, the ice cream has enough fat in it to stand up to Sriracha’s substantial heat-acid punch. Once again, however, the garlic detracts. Overall pretty good.
