This June: A Horoscope AND a Cereal Box Prize
School’s out! And even though you still may have to go to work, you can at least start your day with something you looked forward to as a kid: finding cheap plastic toys in your sugary cereal! Do they even still do that? Rarely. Kids these days don’t know what they’re missing. But this month you can find them in your June horoscope. Let’s go back to a simpler time when cereals were much, much sweeter.
1/12Aries
We’re all familiar with your quick-to-flare nature, Aries. You’re known to be either hot-headed or unabashedly straightforward, but this month you might try to get your point across in other, more creative ways. If you hate how your partner organizes the pots and pans, try passive-aggressive labels! It’s not about picking your battles this month, but how you battle. Maybe a surprise monster disguise sticker in the bottom of a box of Count Chocula will come in handy when you’re trying on a few new faces this month...
2/12Taurus
You pride yourself on your consistency, Taurus, but circumstances beyond your control are going to force some life changes this month. It’s all a part of a longer process. As you change, so will your perspective on the world and your place within it. You’re going deep this month, Taurus. Deep into a gigantic bowl of Cheerios, that is, where you’ll find collector’s item Lion King color-changing spoons. Like you, they’re going through a transformative period, but they’re made to last. (Seriously, a lot of people sell these on eBay.)
3/12Gemini
You’re feeling the love this month Gemini, surrounded by people who are kicking ass and inspiring you left and right. And if you’ve recently fallen in love, oh boy are you smitten! Whatever you do, cerebral Gemini, don’t overthink this one. Stay with the feeling. Or maybe it’s a platonic relationship that’s going to deepen—either way, you’ll want to find your rock this month. Pull them in closer with your Flintstone rock grabber from the dusty depths of a box of Fruity Pebbles. Whatever it takes! Yabba dabba doo!
4/12Cancer
These past few months have made it clear: you need to take better care of yourself, Cancer! Something has lost its shine and you’re not feeling fulfilled—maybe a dead end at work, or a relationship gone blah. This month, you’ll have the drive to make some changes and seek new goals. As you anticipate your plan of attack, you’ll need these mini binoculars tucked in the crags of Cap'n Crunch. Will they help you see into the future? Or will they get cereal in your eyes? Only one way to find out.
5/12Leo
This month, you’ll be especially social, but with a deep need to plug in and connect with the people who make you feel the most like yourself. You’re no stranger. You know a lot of people. But it’s time to hang with the people you’ve known for what seems like eternity. The ones who came over for sleepovers and fought with you over the glow in the dark skelesaurus prize in a box of Fruity Pebbles. It’s luminous like you, Leo, and just the thing to remind you of where you came from.
6/12Virgo
You’ve been a busy Virgo, but summer is here and now it’s time to make up for all the fun you postponed while working late. Get crafty! Throw a party, go overboard planning the menu and themed decor. Let the plastic-wrapped Pokémon cards in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch remind you that some things in life seem valuable at the time, but really aren’t in the long-run. So let the busy work take the bench this month, let loose, and help yourself to a much needed dose of playfulness.
7/12Libra
You prefer to keep things running smoothly at all costs, harmonious Libra. Aka, you hate confrontation. But this month, use your expert mediating skills when there’s drama at work or at home. Whatever’s going on, it’s tense, and you’ll need that Garfield bike reflector you found in the Frosted Flakes. Just the thing to deflect negativity in the workplace, and look super snazzy at the same time.
8/12Scorpio
Get ready for battle this month, Scorpio. Don’t waste time getting into Facebook comment firestorms, though, but fight somewhere it matters, whether that’s calling up your congressperson, protesting at City Hall, or standing up to a bully in the grocery store. Disagreement is not something you can’t handle, Scorpio, but how you handle it matters. As you consider the potential recipients of your scorpion venom, you’ll need your Storyscope watch from Crunch Berries, a gadget that helps you see the narrative and enlarge the fine print. You know, to help you stay focused on the task at hand...
9/12Sagittarius
You could be taking a big step this month, which is not surprising, Sag. It might seem crazy to others (moving halfway around the globe to raise ostriches?! okay!), but you know in your heart that this is a chance worth taking. Freedom—you’ll be taking a big bite of it this month—along with heaping spoonfuls of Apple Jacks, where you’ll find a GhOsT dEteCtOr! It’s a flimsy piece of film with the likeness of a zombie. Very spOoOky. Use it to make sure your new place isn’t haunted or to consult your ancestors for guidance in your new venture.
10/12Capricorn
June’s downside? Your patience will be tested by someone close to you who might offer a kernel of advice you didn’t know you needed. Listen to them! You’ve got big projects up your sleeve and need all the help you can get from those you trust most. One thing that can help you stay on task this month is a flimsy plastic watch from a box of vintage Honeycomb cereal. It might be impossible to program the correct time into, and who knows if they even manufacture replacement batteries for this thing, but maybe, just maybe, it can still help you feel on top of it all.
11/12Aquarius
There’s a lot of changes underway in your life, but this month you’ll find stability by doing the things you love most. June is an extremely creative month for you—as well as romantic and flirtatious. It’s time to dive into your favorite activities and enjoy life to the fullest. Share a root beer float with your crush (or whoever!) with this color-changing straw from a box of old Froot Loops. What color will it change to next?! It’s something that will keep up with you as you keep life interesting.
12/12Pisces
Oh enigmatic Pisces, you’re torn between your desire for connection with everyone in the world and your desire to get abducted to an alien planet never to return. Go ahead and wait for your spaceship to arrive, but keep an open mind about everything here on planet Earth. The closest thing you have to intergalactic escape right now is this Star Wars Droid viewer from a half-empty bag of Reese's Puffs. What’s a droid viewer? No clue. Is it spyware? Who knows. We have as many questions as you do, Pisces.
Catherine Urban is an astrologer in Cleveland who is anxiously awaiting her Alphabits terrarium to prove that it’s not just a plastic box filled with 1990’s soil. Connect with Catherine for more astrology @AstroCatherine
