What It's Like for Couples to Work Together in the Same Restaurant
Running a restaurant kitchen is stressful. Working with your significant other is stressful. Combine the two and you’ve got a recipe for disaster: sharp knives, open flames, high pressure, and serious emotions. All the same, across the country there are chefs working together with their partners and, somehow, not killing each other. But as they explain, back-of-the-house life (and love) can be quite romantic. Here’s how they keep the flame alive–without getting burned.
As at home, where one person walks the dog and the other pays the bills, the chefs agreed it’s best to divide tasks. One person on salad, the other on the main. “Someone needs to be in charge, to have the vision,” says Alex Raij, chef and co-owner of Txikito and La Vara in New York. “Also, if you’re going to follow a recipe read it through first. Get your mise-en-place together.” Being organized, and preparing well for the insanity of dinner rush, keeps conflict to a minimum. “Have a game plan,” says Katherine Thompson, the pastry chef at dell’anima, l’Artusi, and l’Apicio, where her husband, Gabriel Thompson, is the chef: “That way, you can just chat while you work.”
In tight quarters, you have to be attentive to where everyone is and what they’re doing. This is not necessarily a bad thing! That is, you’ll begin to appreciate how people move. Sharon Patcher, co-chef at The Grocery in Brooklyn, remembers observing Charles Kiely during their time at Savoy. “He took this sauté pan off the stove to throw in the bus bin underneath the line,” she says. “The way he let it slide down his leg and off his foot without so much as a crash was beautiful.” Today Kiely’s her co-chef at the Grocery–and her husband.
The Thompson’s’ “unspoken commitment to each other beyond a professional one,” as Katherine puts it, allows them to be brutally honest with each other. “No one wants to tell their chef something sucks,” Gabriel says, “but Katherine can be like, ‘Ooh, that’s gross.’” And when she does, he knows it’s not ego–she means it. Also, she’s not worried about getting fired.
When shopping for a lowboy fridge for their upcoming restaurant, Uncle Boon’s in New York City, Anne Redding and Matt Danzer found themselves in a knock-down-drag-out doors-versus-drawers battle. (Drawers for Matt, doors for Anne.) Neither side would budge. “Matt was literally pretending to cook in the restaurant supply store, ‘opening’ doors and drawers to demonstrate his argument,” says Redding. “I got so mad I stormed out.”
Later, though, they could see how ridiculous the fight was. “We laugh every day about how nuts we must have looked,” she says. Even better, she adds, “We ended up with a combination lowboy: two doors and a drawer.”
Screaming may be considered “good” for reality TV, but not in reality. Still, it happens. When those inevitable battles do break out, Bryan Petroff and Douglas Quint, of NYC’s Big Gay Ice Cream Truck, take a 15-minute break. “We do our own thing and come back with calmer heads,” says Quint. And Top Chef alums Mark Gaier andClark Frasier, co-chefs at Arrows Restaurant in Ogunquit, ME, have a secret for conflict resolution that’s gotten them through 25 years together: “Rather than fight over the same $2 peeler all the time,” says Clark, “just BUY another one.”
1/11Balaboosta: Einat Admony and Stefan Nafziger
Einat: “I used to get really upset when I’d look out on the floor and see Stefan with some hot hot hot woman. He’s not a flirty guy, but sometimes he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.” Stefan: “I’m just doing my job, being a good host.” (Credit: Evan Sung)
2/11Big Gay Ice Cream: Bryan Petroff and Douglas Quint
Bryan Petroff (left): “I don’t believe there’s a hidden meaning behind every argument. Once I was watching Oprah and a couple was talking about a fight they had over bacon. Oprah said, ‘There’s something else there, it’s not about the bacon.’ But, honestly, I really think, it IS about the bacon.” (Credit: Evan Sung)
3/11Uncle Boons: Anne Redding and Matt Danzer
Anne: “Normally when you work next to someone for a long time in the kitchen you develop a ‘dance.’ You’re familiar with the other person’s movement and are able to work together in tight spaces without running into each other. This was not the case with Matt and I. I only remember this because it was that horrible.” (Credit: Evan Sung)
4/11Five Leaves and Nights and Weekends: Jud Mongrel and Kathy Mecham
Jud: “We were out for dinner upstate, critiquing and analyzing every detail. At first I was thinking, Why are we talking about work here? But then I looked around at the other couples, supposedly out for some super-romantic dinner and they had nothing to talk about. I guess if I were a race car driver and Kathy were a scuba instructor, maybe our relationship wouldn’t be as strong.” (Credit: Matt Duckor)
5/11Txikito and La Vara: Alex Raij and Eder Montero
Alex: “I was intrigued from the moment we met, partly because I couldn’t understand a word he said. Seeing someone who does something really well, it’s a longer-lasting sexy." Eder: “She’s so knowledgeable about food, it’s freaky. She’s mental! It’s so hot.” (Credit: Matt Duckor)
6/11dell’anima, l’Artusi, and l’Apicio: Katherine and Gabriel Thompson
Katherine: “Occasionally he’ll try to do an inappropriate ass grab. It happened in front of a customer once, and we were like, ‘Oh, umm, it’s okay. We’re married and have a child together!’” (Credit: Matt Duckor)
7/11Arrows Restaurant and MC Perkins Cove: Mark Gaier and Clark Frasier
Mark (left): “When we are feeling really heated and on the brink of a fight, we will do a little bird call. It is our secret code, a peace offering. It reminds us we are there for each other. We also do this when we are lost on vacations or in markets or airports.” (Credit: Ron Manville)
8/11Rich Table: Evan and Sarah Rich
Evan: “I was so quiet. I didn’t talk to anyone at work. ” Sarah: “Everyone thought he was German because he didn’t talk.” Evan: “She pulled me aside one day and said, ‘Here’s my number. Call me. I know you’re off tomorrow. Let’s go to the movies.’” Evan: “I called her at 2 and was like, ‘Hello, chef! I mean, Sarah…’” (Credit: Kimberley Hasselbrink)
9/11The Grocery: Charles Keily and Sharon Patcher
Charlie: “It’s only food, not life or death. Take joy in the process.” (Credit: Matt Duckor)
10/11State Bird Provisions: Stuart Brioza and Nicole Krasinski
Stuart: “We are not into drama; we try to keep it nice. Don’t say anything hurtful in the moment. Especially don’t criticize the pants you hate that the other person is wearing.” (Credit: Tuukka Koski)
11/11Banker and Baker: Lori Baker and Jeff Banker
Lori: “We always try to remember how we wanted this so bad and that no matter how frustrating things can be, we have each others’ back.” (Credit: Kimberley Hasselbrink)
