I recently had a yoga teacher who said something like, remember that everything you need you already have, and I can’t help but think she’d never been to Trader Joe’s. So many impulse buys this winter. So many Sumo oranges. Find out if you need an entire tray of raspberry-jam-filled mega croissant below. (And for more TJ’s wisdom, check out our favorite cheeses and go-to appetizers.)
Beef Bulgogi
After a quick microwave, I was impressed at how well-seasoned, if a little sweet, this bulgogi was. There were a few bites of gristle, but life wouldn’t be an adventure if there wasn’t the possibility of connective tissue stuck between your teeth, would it?
Hardwood Smoked Pulled Pork
This vacuum-packed, microwave-ready bag of pulled pork is a blank canvas that I slathered in Sweet Baby Ray’s and hot sauce. A few bits of burnt ends in the mix made my day, but then again, I don’t have a lot going on.
Hardwood Smoked Pulled Chicken
Like the pulled pork, this shredded chicken isn’t big on flavor. Unlike the pulled pork, it doesn’t have enough fat to distract the senses. It’s a little dry and not worth $9 when you can grab a package of chicken thighs and make twice as much, twice as juicy, in your slow cooker.
Meatless Breakfast Sausage Patties
This soy protein patty has all of the sage and fennel you want in a breakfast sausage on a Sunday morning. The texture is pretty close to, if a little denser than, its meaty cousin. I’d buy it again to smash between an English muffin with a slice of my go-to baked eggs.
Chicken Sausage & Cheddar Cheese Breakfast Bake
Skip the microwave, which dries out the eggs, and bake this per the package instructions. It says it serves four, but don’t expect it to feed more than two. There’s a lot of bread here, with pellets of chicken sausage scattered like birdseed. I’d rather make this myself for cheaper overhead and greater yield.
Spicy Peanutty Noodle Bowl with Chicken
Spicy? Not quite. Noodles? Veering on mushy. But the chicken was juicy! And the price was right ($3.49). I added chile crisp and sliced cucumbers.
Chicken Shawarma Bowl
My notes to self were “chicken is whatever, rice is good.” It’s a mostly forgettable frozen dish to get you through a hectic workday. You’ll eat better tomorrow, I hope.
Artichoke Bread Pudding
Between this and the breakfast bake, I wonder if Joe had an excess of stale bread in the backroom. Cheesy artichoke dip is typically a food of the gods because you get to dip mountains of toast points or chips in it. If the bread is in the dip, like this, you lose the magic. To help: Add some red pepper flakes and bake it until the corners start to brown.
Tortilla Espanola
Microwave…for…16…minutes? I’ve never microwaved anything so long, but there I was, puttering around the kitchen waiting for an explosion. It’s impossible to know if the frozen tortilla is “heated through” as it cooks in its plastic package, so after 16 minutes, I found that the egg, potato, and onion frisbee was the texture of foam. It’s possible the best way to reheat this is to defrost or microwave it for a few minutes, then finish cooking in a hot skillet.
Shrimp Pouches of Many Colors
Green, white, yellow, red! Love these rainbow shumai. The shrimp is nicely balanced with ginger and garlic, while the dumpling wrapper stays intact even after I manhandled them around a skillet to get crispy bottoms.
Empanadas de Ropa Vieja
These little empanadas (three bites, depending on your jaw) have a mochi-like fried cassava dough and oregano-fragrant pork filling. I wish the filling had a more lively flavor and texture, but I like where this is headed. If you happen to have a platter of rice and beans or chimichurri on hand, great, but I made a hot sauce–sour cream dip to compensate.
Apple Tatin Tartelettes
“Tartelette” is fun as hell to say. Alas, my tartelette never got crisp on the bottomlette because it’s so weighed down with fruit. I ate the softened baked apples with a sprinkle of salt off the top. TJ’s apple crumble pie is better.
Chocolate Mochi
I found the chocolate mochi outer layer too dried out, which might be because my kitchen was too cold for it to properly defrost. I’m willing to give these the benefit of the doubt—I love the green tea mochi—but not the benefit of more money.
Cinnamon Bun–Inspired Truffles
These gumball-sized truffles have a sugary coating that smells of cinnamon that’s been in your spice cabinet for too long. Inside, thin caramel ooze. I feel bad for cinnamon buns, who never asked to be anything but themselves, because this is a pale comparison.
Cinnamon Swizzle Sticks
These cinnamon sticks slowly leech sugar into your coffee or tea but mostly exist to look cute (don’t we all). The dried-out cinnamon didn’t bring any flavor by the time I’d guzzled my hot tea in seven minutes. Deploy these as a wintery party trick, or an olive branch for your neighbor who says your dog is too loud.
Shareable Shortbread French Butter Cookie
I doubt we’ll see this long past the holidays. It’s a giant, centimeter-thick discus of shortbread that you have to break off with a minor show of violence. After deep consideration, and seeing crumbs across every kitchen surface, I’d prefer bite-sized pieces.
Sweetened Green Mango
Easy to adore. These thin strips of unripe mango are coated with sugar that dissolves on your tongue, and the mango does too (it’s not as chewy as the other dried mangoes on the shelf). The mango’s sour-tartness almost reminded me of a sour belt. Almost!
Raspberry Croissant Carré
This is a Kindle-sized giant rectangular (carré = square) croissant with a layer of raspberry jam inside, and don’t you dare eat it straight from the package. It must be reheated in the oven for 7–10 minutes to revive the flaky pastry. Package says it serves six, but if six people have to share this, they’ll fight to the death with sticky fingers. Actually serves four, maybe.
Dark Chocolate Rondos Sprinkled with Raspberry & Strawberry & Tart Cherry
If you’re wondering if Trader Joe’s coined “rondos,” you’re right. (This is a limited holiday season product.) Imagine if a chocolate bar was round, and that’s it, plus red sparkles. Not much mystique, but if you love dark chocolate, get after it.
Raisin Walnut Apple Bars
Never trust a baked good that looks like a wooden clog. Dry, bready, and studded with tannic walnuts, these would make better chalkboard erasers than snacks.
Herbes de Provence Triangles
Puff pastry doesn’t keep its flaky texture when it’s trapped in a foil bag, so these triangular pillow puffs were somewhat crisp, with not enough salt. We took them apart to eat with cheese and didn’t miss them when they were gone.
Jersey Gouda
Served this to a friend who said, “This is what I used to think fancy cheese was.” Snob! It’s an extremely creamy gouda that’s rubbery and mild, what my great aunt would call a good “snacking cheese.” Just add apple.
Organic Darjeeling Green Tea
A solid daily green tea with a gentle toastiness. The instructions say to boil water, which will give you a pretty astringent, strong cuppa (thanks Max). I brew with 185° water for a smoother sip, and I’m able to squeeze three steeps out of one bag.