This Christmas Eve while we're all cozied in and dreaming of <del datetime="2015-12-17T22:05:14+00:00">sugarplums</del> maple-cinnamon toast, there will be one man working tirelessly through the night. No, we're not talking about the night janitor at your office. We're talking about about Santa Claus. A man this selfless deserves a snack and a cold beverage, and that's where you come in: Don't make these milk-and-cookies common mistakes. Santa gave you that boogie board, and he can take it back.
Does Santa buy your presents from a store? No. He and his elves slave all year to whittle them out of wood. Return the favor and spend a few hours baking cookies* for the big man. The type of cookies you make isn't important. All that really matters to Santa is that you put lots and lots of love into each batch—and plenty of Christmas cheer!
*If you do choose to buy cookies, though, the only acceptable option is Keebler E.L. Fudge. Don't ask why.
Get out of here with your blue-tinted dairy water. Nothing satisfies like a glass of rich and creamy whole milk, and you'd better believe Santa knows the difference. Besides, he'll never acquire a proper milk mustache with the fat-free stuff. Thinking about an alt-milk, like oat or almond? Stop.
Don't listen to your Dad. Santa does not want a beer. Santa is DRIVING (a sleigh) all night, and it would be irresponsible of him to imbibe. Tell your Dad to get his own lager.
Yes, Santa is all-knowing and all-seeing. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't appreciate a little note from you all the same. This is an ideal time to thank him for his hard work and reiterate exactly how good you have been all year.
Santa is nothing without his trusty steeds. (You think it's easy hauling around presents for 7.3 billion people, plus a man who's been eating his weight in Matcha White Chocolate Sugar Cookies all night?) Throw those reindeer a bone, and by "bone" we mean a bunch of carrots. Organic. With their tops.