You know what would be better than a predictable time capsule of a generation’s latest iPhone and hover boards, buried deep underground for future humans to discover, study, and ponder over? A kitchen junk drawer: a collection of humanity’s most baffling, inspiring, and vaguely useful tools. Picture the future people, wearing flared pants, fedoras, and solar-powered scrunchies (everything comes back) holding up some corn-on-the-cob holders to the light. “It just...holds corn?!” They wonder. “Then what are *hands* for?”
But for those of us who grew up with yellow plastic corn-shaped corn holders (so meta), there’s something comforting and nostalgic and sure, sort of useful, about the things. For at least two minutes, corn is pretty hot to touch! And in those moments, you’ll need these corn holders, because you are a person of discerning taste.
Wiener dogs
I don’t understand how it’s more comfortable to grip a little plastic dog head than a solid cylinder of lukewarm kernels, but ISN’T IT CUTE.
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Dinosaurs
The people of the future will be like, “What’s a dinosaur?” Which is more scientifically explainable than corn holders, apparently.
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This Little Piggy
...loves corn!!!!
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Cows
You may have never been to a farm, but don't let that stop you from going all-out on this farmhouse theme.
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The Big O
Handcrafted little wooden circles with just one purpose in life: to hold onto your corn like it’s the end of the world, and no cob will be left behind.
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Uni-Corns
GET. IT.
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Horrifying
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Because Beer
*Adds to wedding registry*
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Corn for the 1%
These are $50!!!
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"On the Bone"
You can also use this as ponytail holders à la Pebbles when corn season is over.
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Stay on Theme
The hot dog is a little heavy on the relish, if you ask me.
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Keep it Classic
As American as apple pie scented candles and flag cakes.