This Guy Tested 7 Ways of Cooling Down Chile Heat—and Lived to Tell the Tale
When I heard that Bon Appétit was, once again, devoting a whole week to all things spicy, the first thought that crossed my mind was, "What the hell kind of horrible thing are they going to make me do this time?" This time last year, I sampled a bunch of different foods doused with Sriracha—yogurt with berries, coffee, etc.—to see what they would taste like. Spoiler alert: A bunch of them tasted real bad.
This year's Sriracha Week challenge? To test different ways of cooling down one's mouth after eating something really, really spicy. Goodie.
So, every afternoon for seven days, I chewed up a fiery Thai bird chile, waited until the burning in my mouth was unbearable, and tried a different method for quelling the flames. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Here are the results.
Danielle Walsh1/8Ice Water
Surprise! This doesn't work. My mouth felt bad. Thai bird chiles are spicy. I mean, I guess the cold numbed the pain somewhat while it was in my mouth. But as soon as I swallowed, the stupid-hot fury of the chile overcame me once again. What have I gotten myself into??
Danielle Walsh2/8Whole Milk
OK, this is kind of a personal thing, but I think drinking milk is disgusting. Like, I've probably had one glass of milk in my entire life. So, while chugging a glass of cold cow juice did mitigate the heat in my mouth considerably, I think I would have rather eaten two chiles, suffered doubly, and called it a day, thanks.
Danielle Walsh3/8Yogurt
What a relief to finally feel some, well, relief! The yogurt coated my mouth like a rich, fermented, dairy-based fire blanket, soothing my scorched palate more and more with each creamy bite. Fantastic.
Danielle Walsh4/8Beer
A cold can of suds is usually a given when I'm eating spicy food, but does it really do anything to extinguish a burning tongue? It did…sort of. The coldness helped to dull the pain, and the lively carbonation distracted me from it, but any relief I experienced was temporary. All the more reason to crack another!
Alaina Sullivan5/8Vodka
Some scientificious-sounding online source suggested that alcohol helps to dissolve capsaicin, so I figured I'd give a glass of cold vodka a shot. It worked surprisingly well—the pain got duller and diffused more with every sip I took—but, as expected, it also made me feel really drunk. Seems like a good choice in case of a chile-related emergency, but swilling Grey Goose between bites of five-alarm chili doesn't sound that sustainable to me.
Alaina Sullivan6/8Olive Oil Mouth Rinse
You know what's worse than having your mouth completely inflamed by merciless chile heat? Having your mouth completely inflamed by merciless chile heat AND filled with olive oil. I don't know who suggested this one, but I hate them. This totally sucked, and did not even kind of work. Boo.
Alaina Sullivan7/8Proof
Seriously, do not try olive oil pulling as a spice alleviator. Up next: The winner!
Alaina Sullivan8/8The Winner: White Rice
This was the real sleeper hit—two big mouthfuls of cold leftover rice banished the pain from my mouth for good. I'm no scientist, but I'm thinking that the abrasive quality of the grains helped to dislodge the capsaicin from my flaming taste buds in a way that the liquids I tried just couldn't. Awesome.
