Wabi-Sabi Is the Cure For Your Dinner Party Anxiety
Julie Pointer Adams was raised in California, where backyard barbecues, perpetually open doors, and picnics at the beach shaped her sense of what intimate, casual entertaining should be. Her new book, Wabi-Sabi Welcome, traces the wabi-sabi way of life from its origins in Japan to homes all over the world. In this adapted excerpt, Adams offers six easy, beautiful ways to welcome your next guests the wabi-sabi way.
A Short Introduction to Wabi-Sabi
Entertaining, in the traditional sense, can feel overwhelming—even intimidating—with so many things to consider: Whom to invite, what to cook, what dishware to use, how to style the table, and more. But what if being a good host meant little more than sharing a cup of tea on the porch, or merely creating a warm, welcoming environment for your guests? Entertaining is first and foremost about being together, no matter how, when, or where, rather than trying to impress our guests or achieve perfection.
The Japanese aesthetic of wabi-sabi leads us to such a version of entertaining. It’s a way of life that celebrates the perfectly imperfect—beauty found in unusual, unfashionable places or objects, and in moments usually overlooked or unappreciated. Wabi-sabi is candid, honest, and unswerving from the everydayness of real life, and it can liberate us from the burden of expectation because it always welcomes the unexpected. People who embrace wabi-sabi live large, open lives, with welcoming homes in which to entertain at a moment’s notice. Entertaining comes easily to them because their idea of hosting is about simply showing up, not showing off. Sometimes we simply need to be with people to feel seen and heard again.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams1/6Begin by Bowing
Bowing is a way of showing respect and deference towards others, an important part of the Japanese culture of modesty. Though we’re not suggesting you take up the physical act, things like being extra sensitive to allergies, graciously squeezing in an uninvited last-minute guest, or playing music you know a guest loves go a long way toward making people feel truly welcome.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams2/6Prepare Ahead
Think of a few simple, thoughtful preparations you can take care of before people arrive, like putting a fresh bar of soap in the bathroom, having a heartfelt gift for each guest, or merely cleaning up clutter. Planning ahead means you aren’t preoccupied with last-minute preparations when people arrive. Instead, be single-minded in addressing the task at hand, which is above all to be warm and attentive.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams3/6Let Flowers Fade and Fall
Practicing wabi-sabi means learning that impermanence is part of what makes things intriguing and appealing, and embracing dying as a necessary part of life. When we allow living things to fade in full view, we welcome loveliness in transience. Living things are always changing, and those changes can be truly extraordinary.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams4/6Seek Out the Handmade
Touches of the handmade can transform a house into a home, but this doesn’t just include items made by skilled artisans. While homemade candles, custom furniture, and hand-stamped linen pillows are excellent additions, even just proudly displaying you child’s (or your own!) ceramic sculpture, pencil drawing, or unidentifiable craft project will make your home instantly feel more intimate.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams5/6Make Food to Nourish, Not Impress
Devote yourself to finding a handful of easy, nourishing meals you love making. Even if you’re still learning your way around the kitchen, thoughtfully preparing a straightforward dish can be a true act of love and nourishment.
Photo by Julie Pointer Adams and Ryan J. Adams6/6Don't Catastrophize
Shake off unexpected setbacks and stop worrying about how these blunders look to other people. When we get hyperfocused on even minor problems, our guests feel responsible for reassuring us that everything is okay. Avoid catastrophizing and improvise with flexibility. Focusing only on your guests ultimately leads to more creative and warmhearted entertaining for everyone. Excerpted from Wabi-Sabi Welcome by Julie Pointer Adams (Artisan Books). Copyright © 2017.
