Welcome to Open Tab, a weekly roundup of news, gossip, and stories that have stayed open in my tabs all week. Last week we covered rumors of cat killing and various other scandals at Horses.
When explorers in the days of yore set out to discover colonize new lands, they loaded up their boats with hardtack, salted meat, and peas. They suffered from scurvy and sickness, and their diet was distinctly unglamorous. Space explorers of today have it much better, even as the food preservation challenges have gotten tougher. This week, the Artemis II mission began. It’s the first crewed mission to orbit the moon since 1972. Launching with them? Five distinct hot sauces, tortillas, an ominously named “vanilla breakfast drink,” and many other comestibles.
Also this week, we’re chatting about the lawsuit (or lack thereof) against David Protein, what wholesale food distributor Sysco’s immense new acquisition might mean for restaurants, and spice company Burlap & Barrel’s lawsuit against the Trump administration. But before all that: Please note that Reese’s has committed to changing its recipe back to the original after sustained public outcry—including in this column. Do you think this is a direct result of my focused, public complaining? Hard to say!
You’ll never guess what they’re eating in space
On the evening of April 1, Artemis II launched from Florida. That launch came after much preparation, including extensive plans around the crew’s menu. According to NASA, the crew had a lot of say on the menu for the 10-day journey. “Crew members sample, evaluate, and rate all foods on the standard menu during preflight testing, and their preferences are balanced with nutritional requirements and what [the spacecraft] can accommodate,” according to the NASA website.
There are five hot sauces aboard, as well as “spicy green beans,” “barbecued beef brisket,” and something called “pineapple drink.” All told, there are 189 unique menu items, all of which are designed and packaged to be optimized for space. Good luck to the astronauts, and hopefully they enjoy their 58 tortillas, no more, no less.
Sysco grows more powerful than ever
This deal is important. Sysco, the country’s largest provider of food and other goods to restaurants and other food service providers, acquired Restaurant Depot, another massive supplier that mostly serves independent restaurants, for $29.1 billion. This isn’t just another merger—it’s two restaurant supplier colossi becoming one in a deal that will likely be scrutinized for antitrust issues.
Put simply, if this deal does indeed go through in 2027, it would be pretty calamitous for the small, independent restaurants we love. Namely, the cost of their food will probably increase, making their margins even tighter or forcing them to pass on that cost to the diner. Personally, I can’t afford a $55 roast chicken, and I don’t want my favorite spots to close down—should we all write to our congresspeople or something?
David Protein is vindicated—sort of
A few weeks ago, a class action lawsuit was brought against David Protein—you know, from the bars? And the cod?—claiming that we were all Regina Georged by the company. The suit claimed David severely misrepresented the calorie and fat content of each bar, which allegedly has 400% more fat and 80% more calories than advertised.
The internet was atwitter, the outrage was brewing, and founder Peter Rahal took to X to dispel rumors—which of course only made things more intriguing. Apparently, Rahal was telling the truth. This week the class action has been unceremoniously dropped without any explanation. Was there a backdoor settlement? Did all parties sit down together at a cozy coffee shop and have a heart-to-heart? It’s impossible to know (but I’m choosing to think it’s option number two).
Burlap & Barrel & lawsuits
Tariffs have been one of the biggest strains on the food and beverage industry of late. Restaurant costs are still skyrocketing, and the wine and spirits industry is in turmoil too. Spice company Burlap & Barrel has also been feeling the pain. That’s why, according to its two cofounders, it’s suing the Trump administration. “The Boston Tea Party, as you may remember from history class, involved tossing crates of tea into Boston Harbor to protest the high taxes, or tariffs, imposed by King George. Sound familiar? Don’t worry, the only body of water we’ll be throwing spices is a pot of soup,” they write.